Look, I totally understand choosing to not watch The Bachelor, or The Bachelorette.
Firstly, with each episode being 2 hours long, you’re looking at a pretty serious time commitment every Monday night.
Second, give me a break if you say you’re gonna watch one episode and then call it a day. You watch one episode and you’re in. For 3 months.
Finally, the show doesn’t umm…really work. There’s actually a higher success rate of marriage on the TV show The Biggest Loser than on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette combined.
True love? Sure, it would be nice…but most contestants are looking for reality tv pay cheques and the cover of Us Weekly. Duh.
Now that being said, both shows are endlessly entertaining. This is why, my friends, I have decided to relay to you-Lessons in Life & Love from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Seeing as how it’s The Bachelorette that’s on TV right now, lets focus on our girl Andi’s quest for true love.
Monday May 26:
Andi has the guys participate in a Memorial Day charity event in which they will channel their inner Magic Mike and strip for her and a crowd of rowdy ladies.
If you must strip for a potential girlfriend, make sure to acknowledge her while taking off your clothes and gyrating. Andi: “I really feel like he’s making it about me!” -when referring to Marcus’ solo pilot-themed dance. So guys, shake that tail feather. Stuff your junk and make it about the girl. If there’s one thing that butters us up, it’s a guy performing a humiliating dance number while making it ‘all about us’ *swoon*
DON’T GET PLASTERED ON A DATE. Poor, poor Craig. His way if coping with the group date was to get drunk, jump in the pool with his clothes on, start a fight with another guy, and then get escorted off the date by a producer. What a dreamboat. He tried is hand at serenading Andi with an original song, but alas, NO ROSE FOR YOU CRAIG. Andi: “I just couldn’t get past it.” Shocking.
Don’t sing to her. I don’t care if you’re a professional opera singer like Bradley. If its the first date, it’s really awkward. Where is Andi supposed to look? Should she smile the entire time? Make eye contact? Cry? There’s no right thing to do while someone is singing to you. Wait until you’re a few dates in, otherwise it’s just uncomfortable.
Did you learn anything from the Bachelorette on Monday? Tweet to me @chelseabird3